MST Survivor Veterans Reflect: Gathering for LaVena Johnson in St. Louis

On September 11, 2012, Protect Our Defenders hosted an event in St. Louis, organized by Terri J. Odom, to honor LaVena Johnson’s memory and her parents. Colleen Bushnell, rode cross-country as part of the Long Road Home Project in LaVena’s honor and on September 11 rode into St. Louis, LaVena’s hometown. Watch LaVena’s story on Protect Our Defenders.

Reflections from Colleen Bushnell

Colleen Bushnell is an US Air Force veteran, Advocacy Board Member for Protect Our Defenders and advocate at the Military Rape Crisis Center.

I felt like a phoenix the day I joined Mrs. and Dr. Johnson in St. Louis. The welcome I received along with our team of cyclists with the Long Road Home Project this summer triggered a flood of emotions.

There was a numbness, a disbelief almost, that I had cycled more than one thousand miles to reach the arms of these parents, among their friends and family. A sense of completion came over me as well. If I hadn’t pedaled another ten feet, I’d have felt mission accomplished.

My hope was that the Johnson’s felt the weight of my love and efforts to carry the memory of their precious daughter on my back. Climbing hills and mountains, sailing through valleys, wishing I could find the answer to the problems that at one point visited LaVena, and me, as women warriors.

My calling is to bring honor and dignity to our female war fighters and their legacies posthumously, or not, with the residual effect of honoring all women.

We wrapped a Morning Star quilt around the couple given to us by the Native American community in Martin, South Dakota, which is a place where it has been estimated that young women are raped at a rate of more than twice the national average. The quilt embraced and enveloped them with all of the love we could muster as a team, and community. I felt my calling in action.

I have never witnessed a father who had such intense passion, conviction and emotion for his child. Never.

All of this realizing how fortunate I am, in this life time, to be in alignment with such a meaningful purpose that allows me to honor the gift of life I enjoy, even in the face of such personal loss, and tragedies.

Reflections from Terri J. Odom

Terri J. Odom is a US Navy Veteran, Advocacy Board Member for Protect Our Defenders, and a Veteran Advisor at her local VA. Watch Terri’s story on Protect Our Defenders here.

Over eighteen months ago, I contacted Congresswoman Jackie Speier’s DC office. On C-Span she was on the House Floor of Representatives, speaking of something very personal to me: military rape. She called it an epidemic, a dark secret that had been for decades swept under the rug.

I am proud of my military service. I never joined for a paycheck. It was a powerful calling. In my opinion, Americans who raise their right hand and swear to protect and defend the United States are the cream of the crop. Most military personnel are doing their job in a performance standard second to none.

We train our military personnel to perform under extreme pressure. We are taught that we never leave anyone behind, and that if you look to your left and to your right, those people have your back and you have their back, even if it means dying for that person. That is the oath you take and stand by. We all had the same mission, same path, same creed.

You are drilled and drilled until you not only understand how important the chain of command is, but how to use it. For those of us who are survivors of MST or military sexual trauma, that profuse amount of trust and teamwork is part of the injustice of being raped by a fellow comrade. A person that you would take a bullet for if needed, and never question or doubt a direct order from, all of sudden hurts you, rapes you, takes your dignity and puts hot coals on your prideful soul.

You turn to your chain of command as taught. You are treated as if reporting a crime of rape is a crime that you are in someway to blame for, and they want you to know without any question, that reporting a rape against another service member will most certainly damage, if not end, your military career.

In my case, as in most MST survivors, regardless of my fight to salvage my military career, they ended it. The day I was ordered to take my uniform off for the last time before was like a death. My death! I felt as if everything I knew about myself, my country and mankind had never happened. But I came home with a pulse and breathing.

After sending my story to Congresswoman Jackie Speier’s office, a non profit organization by the name of Protect Our Defenders contacted me. They came and filmed me, and other MST survivors. It was an eye opener on so many levels. MST survivors started coming from every direction for guidance and all of sudden we had a voice. We now have thousands of supporters and sadly way too many survivors, both male and female. I told Nancy Parrish, I could only share my story in a public forum if she thought it would save at least one Life. I now know it has! It saved my life.

On September 11th, 2012 I was humbled with the honor of organizing a special Protect Our defenders event in St. Louis, MO. One of the bravest women I know, Colleen Bushnell, a military rape survivor, was on a journey 4200 miles long biking across America from Washington State to DC.

Colleen was riding to honor the loving memory of PFC LaVena Johnson. When I saw LaVena’s parents, Dr. and Mrs. Johnson, embrace Colleen for the first time after she rode her bike into the parking lot, I knew then and there why we do the work we do.

I heard the screams of pain from a mother and father from the loss of their child. In 2005 PFC Johnson became the first female soldier killed in Iraq from Missouri. I remember the day her flag-draped casket landed at Lambert Airport. The Army called it a suicide. After further investigation by Dr. and Mrs. Johnson, it appeared that their daughter was killed after being raped by fellow comrades.

Colleen spoke with respect and honor. It was an intimate gathering in St. Louis,MO. As I hugged Colleen, neither of us wanted to let go. I told her she was inspiring many and touching lives beyond her knowledge. It was to honor PFC La Vena Johnson, a bright, beautiful young woman just serving her country, doing the right thing.

Colleen continued her long journey to ride for PFC Johnson and to raise awareness for MST. My life has been forever renewed in a positive belief in mankind again. I am also blessed to be back serving my fellow veterans again. As I often state, “The military quit on me. I never quit on them!”

Thank you Colleen Bushnell. I am more than proud of you and blessed to call you friend. PFC La Vena Johnson, rest in peace sweet hero…We have it from here.

Photo credit: All photos taken by Molly Robin Photography