I barely even recall what my rapist looked like…. I was TDY for training in 2014. I was drunk at a party and was outside on the patio alone when a frat boy-looking guy came up to me unannounced and placed his hands in my crotch. I was blacking out at this point. I recall the sound of being unzipped and his laughter from behind me. I somehow made it back to my hotel in a cab and woke up in a full tub to a pool of blood. I never fully disclosed this to my leadership, only to my psychiatrist as I went through MEB after a suicide attempt. The post-rape trauma was worse than the actual trauma itself for me. The stigma in your workplace when people know something is going on with you, the toxic masculinity, and society’s undertones that a man is weak if he has been raped. I’m honestly quite impressed that more of us survivors haven’t killed ourselves. Not less.